Long time, no post……

All right, it has been a couple of weeks since I posted. The reason for this is that Paul decided that he didn’t want to continue our relationship. We broke up three weeks ago and I have been feeling terrible since then.
My problem is, that actually, nothing happened. We had two or three busy weeks, which meant that we just didn’t spent so much time together, but we didn’t fight or something like that. I had a feeling that something was wrong so I talked to him and so he broke up with me. I knew that things could have been better, but nothing that bad. I know that a relationship is a lot of work and I am more than willing to put that work into a relationship. If something goes bad, you have to talk about it (man hate talking, I know….), which may be difficult but in the end you can make things better. We have been a couple for 15 months, so I know that things between us could work if we just tried. So I am sad that he just threw away everything because of a few bad weeks. Even worse is that he also isn’t able to give me a reason for this. He says that his feelings are gone, but when we were on holiday a few weeks back, everything was fine (I asked him about it and I think he was honest about it). We have been living together for just 6 months, I mean you don’t decide to take a flat together if you know that things are going downhill. When we were on holiday he could imagine going on another holiday together and such things. I told him to be honest, to tell me if anything happened, even if there was another woman or so, because what I hate most is if someone lies to me. If he tells me the truth, I may be hurt and angry at first, but in the end I’ll be glad that I know what happened and that he was honest. And after so many months and living together and everything I think I deserve to know the truth. ( If I ever find out that he lied to me about the reason hell will seem like a very pleasant place to him). I also think it would make things easier for me if I knew why this happened, I just feel like everything happened way to fast (I friend of mine described this as “it’s like someone died but you can’t find the body”).
Well, since I still love him, I feel really bad. I want to roll into a ball and cry all day. I feel like throwing everything away (like my studies), run away from everything and hide somewhere. Some days I just wish that I won’t wake up in the morning. I know, I have to carry on, throwing things away won’t make it easier and so on, but sometimes I don’t know where to find the strength to go on.
Apart from feeling miserable I have to move once again. I found a new place and will move there next week, but this means a lot of work. I spent yesterday running around and buying things (and cleaning the place, because it looked terrible here and it looks like Paul doesn’t feel responsible for this). I have most things now, there are a few I still need to pick up, but at least I don’t have to go and look for them first anymore. I have to pack my things, which will take some time (I will use the opportunity to throw a few things away, make room for new things and so on…). At least we had the same ideas about who gets what of the furniture we bought together, so that problem is solved.
And apart from that, I have a Bachelor thesis to write, on which I am way behind the schedule (I wanted to have it ready by the middle of july, I fear that won’t work…), I have two lectures at university and I have to work. In general, I have absolutely no time to cope with a broken heart and moving right now…

“All right lady, why don’t you just pick up your needle, do a bit of stitching and calm down?”
Because I can’t pick up my needle =( I tried, but I just can’t get round to do some stitching. When I look at my stitching, I remember all the time I sat next to him and stitched, how he was fascinated by this, (how he complained that I bought to many charts) and such things. I have been able to wind a single bobbin since we broke up, but most time i just sit there and do nothing. The lovely ladies on facebook told me that it’s okay and that I should not push it, but I just feels weird. Stitching filled my days, when I got home and felt tired, I picked up my stitching to relax.
These lovely ladies also suggested that maybe I should start something new that Paul hasn’t seen before and therefore doesn’t have a connection to him. Maybe that’s a good idea and I will do my best to give it a try. Maybe it will work and I can also pick up my old projects in time.

But here are some “old” pics for you anyway… I finished page 13 on Kreimhild on 13th May, here she is
SONY DSC

And a few new charts I got back then
Adolescence by Martha Dahlig
Adolescence

Dragons Keeper by Rene Biertempfel
dragonskeeper

And one I got a few days ago (I know I should not buy charts now, I spent enough money for furniture and such things these days….)
Winterborn by Tiffany Toland-Scott
winterborn

I know I didn’t comment on your lovely blog post, I read them , but I just don’t have the time and energy to do any nice commenting things these days =/ I will try to be better once things are settled…

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. pulltheotherthread
    Jun 09, 2013 @ 13:11:44

    You poor things, sounds like you have been through a whole lot. The most important thing now is for you to take care of yourself, lean on those who can support you (family, friends). I think it would be a good idea to start something new, a chart that has no attachment to what’s happened. Maybe even do a SAL with someone so you will be encouraged to stitch along with someone else.

    Reply

  2. Ronjja
    Jun 09, 2013 @ 18:45:39

    Sending lots of positive thoughts. Hugs.

    Reply

  3. Sharine
    Jun 10, 2013 @ 01:19:06

    Big hugs. These feelings will pass. Just make sure to take the time it takes and until then best wishesxxx

    Reply

  4. Alicia
    Jun 11, 2013 @ 10:04:37

    Oh Juel, I was so sorry to read this post. You sound like you are struggling with it all, but it’s impressive that you still managed to find a new place and get all the things you need to start afresh. Break ups are the worst and we’ve all been through them. I know it feels really raw at the moment especially when he hasn’t given you a reason. But like with all our trying times this too shall pass. I’m thinking of you and sending lots of love, and hugs and good positive vibrations your way. You don’t need to figure it out right now just do what you need to do to get through each moment and before you know it something fantastic will happen and life will be fun again.

    Take care beautiful girl. He doesn’t deserve you!

    xo Alicia

    Reply

  5. Heli
    Jun 11, 2013 @ 14:56:54

    *hugs*

    Start something new and beautiful and completely different. Maybe listen to an audiobook while you stitch to take your mind off things? http://www.audible.co.uk/ has a great selection.

    Lots of strength, and hugs again.

    Reply

  6. Erla Björk
    Jun 13, 2013 @ 22:55:13

    Sorry to hear about your break up, hope you will feel better soon.
    Love your update pic 🙂

    Reply

  7. Joanne P
    Jun 20, 2013 @ 16:05:57

    Sorry to hear about your personal problems, when my first marriage was on the rocks I hardly did any stitching, I just couldn’t concentrate on it.
    I think a new start is a great idea, maybe just a small one to get you back in the swing of it again.
    Until then keep reading the blogs and inspiration will strike when you least expect it.
    (((hugs)))

    Reply

  8. Amanda (stitching Angel)
    Jun 29, 2013 @ 03:05:08

    Hi I love your stitching, sorry about your personal problems. Hope you don’t mind me putting your blog on my blog list. If you do please let me know at my blog crossstitchangel@blogspot.com.au

    Reply

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